NYPost Experiencing 100 orgasms a day may sound like the gift that keeps on giving, but a heartbroken man from Wisconsin can assure you — it’s much more of a curse. Dale Decker is a 37-year-old husband and father of two who suffers from an uncontrollable condition known as Persistent Genital Arousal Syndrome, Barcroft Media reports. He first felt the symptoms after he slipped a disk in his back and was on his way to the hospital. Decker inexplicably ejaculated five times on the drive — and says the orgasms have kept on coming ever since. “Imagine being on your knees at your father’s funeral beside his casket, saying goodbye to him — and then you have nine orgasms right there,” he said. “While your whole family is standing behind you.” “It makes you never want to have another orgasm for as long as you live,” Decker added. “There’s nothing pleasurable about it because even though it might feel physically good — you’re completely disgusted by what’s going on.” Decker says the intense episodes have taken an extreme toll on him and his family. He is afraid to even leave the house because evidently no place is safe from his excessive ejaculation. “If you’re in public, if you’re in front of kids — it’s disgusting and it can break you real fast,” he told Barcroft. “It happened to me at the grocery store and when it was over, there were around 150 people looking straight at me — why would I leave the house when something like this can happen?” But Decker ultimately realized that his wife, April, 33, and two sons, Christian, 12, and Tayten, 11, are the ones who have to put up with most of the problems from his pelvic issues. “We really struggle right now as he is unable to work and supply for his family and I feel like all the strain is on me,” April said. But what hurts most for April is that even though her dearly beloved suffers from endless orgasms and constant erections, he is unable to satisfy her in the bedroom. “It’s really upsetting, we don’t do things that man and wife should do and we argue over things that should not be affecting us,” she said. “Because he sometimes has episodes at night, we took the decision to sleep in separate beds.” “That can be very frustrating,” an emotional April added. “You want the comfort from another person, particularly your husband, but we don’t have that.” Decker agrees that his problem has rendered him useless when it comes to having sex, something that makes him feel very guilty. “Occasionally we will [have sex], but it’s very frustrating for both of us as this condition has left me unable to finish,” he said. “I’ve tried reading about it, tried going to doctors, but nobody can help me — I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just want to get my old life back — I just want to get back what this condition has taken from me.” Dr. Dena Harris, a gynecologist in New York City who has mainly worked with women who suffer with PGAS, believes Decker is in dire need of help and should do everything he can to try to fix his problem before it leads to something worse. “It’s clear Dale is really suffering and I’m sure there are some people who will say that this is just in his head,” she told Barcroft. “But it’s not — it’s a serious medical condition and I just hope he gets the help he so desperately needs.” “Being aroused can be a wonderful thing, but this is not like arousal, it’s not even sexual,” Harris added. “It’s a horrendous spasm and it can be terribly painful. Suicide is always a concern when people suffer from this condition — they feel like they have no other way to escape it.”

You know who’s life is really a living hell because of Dale Decker’s condition, the guy with the horrible task of doing his dry cleaning, I can just picture the panic as Dale Decker comes in to drop off his latest load (literally):

“Oh no! Here comes jizzpants again! Quick! Shut off the lights and flip the sign on the door to the “Sorry! We’re Closed” side! Oh crap, I think he saw us, get out the rubber gloves and hip waders we are going to need to wash his pants again.”

P.S. I do not get how Dale Decker cannot ejaculate while he is having actual sex with his wife, but ejaculates constantly throughout the rest of the day. Why not just stick it in, grab the paper, and wait?