Emily Ratajkowski is a smoking hot model who has been on SportSmasher.com‘s radar for a while, but when we saw her dancing in this video for a Robin Thicke song, we needed to see more. Wow, Ratajkowski does not disappoint, her body is ridiculous. I’m surprised we have not posted Emily Ratajkowski before, and I bet it’s not long before we are posting her again. Picture time:

Looking good Ronald Poppo! It was one year ago that Poppo was attacked by a man named Rudy Eugene, who began eating his face, and bloggers across the internet thought that we were witnessing the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse. Eugene was shot and killed after attacking responding officers, but by the time officers had saved him from the zombie, 75% of his face was gone. One year later, Poppo has made as close to a full recovery as you can expect, and is thanking his well wishers. Although Poppo looks a little like a zombie, he did not actually turn, and it seems the zombie apocalypse has been avoided for he time being afterall.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Thus concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.

The NFL Over/Under Wins Totals have been released by Las Vegas, and although it is early, it is always fun to look at these numbers and try to find value. We know that NFL teams will have unforeseen injuries that will sway these win totals, we know that some teams will improve and others will take a step back, we know there will be turnover amongst division winners and playoff teams. Let’s break down the 2013 NFL Over/Under Wins Totals and make a prediction for each team.

AFC East

New England Patriots
2012 record: 12-4
2013 over/under: 11.5 (over +115/under -135)

The Patriots will win the AFC East, but winning 12 games is a lot to ask in the NFL, can the Patriots do it again? The Patriots have a pretty favorable schedule once again, and Tom Brady will miss Wes Welker, but he has always had success spreading the ball around. A lot of the success of the Patriots offense will depend on the health of their two tight ends, Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez, both have been dealing with lingering injury issues. I think the Patriots will be better defensively and expect the running game to continue to improve. I would guess that they win either 11 or 12 games, I am going to put my faith in a team that has shown they know how to rack up regular season wins, and say 12 wins for the Pats. THE PICK: OVER (12-4)

Miami Dolphins
2012 record: 7-9
2013 over/under: 7.5 (over -135/under +115)

I think the Dolphins did as much to improve as anyone this offseason, they added targets for quarterback Ryan Tannehill in Mike Wallace and Dustin Keller, added inside linebacker Darnelle Ellerbee from the Super Bowl Champions, and drafted an excellent pass rusher in Dion Jordan who should excel opposite Cameron Wake. I think their secondary should also improve, I liked the players they added, including rookie cornerbacks Jamar Taylor and Will Davis. Linebacker Philip Wheeler, who the Dolphins signed in free agency, should be productive. One weakness for the Dolphins could be their offensive line, if they plan on improving, they better protect Tannehill and give him the time necessary to succeed. The schedule is actually pretty difficult, but I think this team has improved enough to just go OVER. THE PICK: OVER (8-8)

New York Jets
2012 record: 6-10
2013 over/under: 6.5 (over -110/under -110)

Despite trading their best player this offseason when they shipped Darrelle Revis to Tampa Bay, I did like what the Jets did during the draft, and think that they are headed in the right direction. The Jets improved their defense by drafting top rated cornerback Dee Milliner and defensive lineman Sheldon Richardson in the first round, then landed quarterback of the future (and maybe the present) Geno Smith in the second round. The Jets also helped to solidify the offensive line that will be protecting Smith, which was a must, because despite having perennial Pro Bowlers in left tackle D’Brickashaw Ferguson and center Nick Mangold, the Jets offensive line was a mess. The team lacks offensive playmakers, they do not have a true number one receiver or tight end, but they are moving in the right direction. They just are not there yet. THE PICK: UNDER (5-11)

Buffalo Bills
2012 record: 6-10
2013 over/under: 6.5 (over +115/under -135)

New head coach Doug Marrone must really love quarterback E.J. Manuel and he will clearly be the quarterback in Buffalo, so I expect to see the Bills working a lot of read-option type offense with their new athletic signal caller. I did like the fact that the Bills helped Manuel out, by selecting wide receiver Robert Woods, who has excellent hands and should be a nice complement to Stevie Johnson. I think that the Bills are also headed in the right direction if Marrone can mold Manuel into an NFL quarterback quickly, but there will be a learning curve, and the schedule is tough. THE PICK: UNDER (6-10)

AFC North

Pittsburgh Steelers
2012 record: 8-8
2013 over/under: 9 (over -110/under -110)

The Steelers added Steelers-type players this offseason, including linebacker Jarvis Jones and big back Le’Veon Bell, who should immediately play dividends. In typical Steelers fashion, they picked wide receiver Markus Wheaton in the third round, where they have found gems such as Mike Wallace and Emmanuel Sanders in the past. He could also contribute early. The Steelers schedule is actually pretty favorable, and if some of the younger players they have invested in over the past few season step up, they should be solid in 2013. I do worry about the lack of playmakers without Mike Wallace, but when have the Steelers really had a elite playmaker during their recent string of success. THE PICK: PUSH (9-7)

Baltimore Ravens
2012 record: 10-6
2013 over/under: 8.5 (over -140/under +120)

The Super Bowl Champion Baltimore Ravens lost a lot this offseason, but I found this line at 8.5 wins (lower than the Steelers who missed the playoffs), to be the easiest call on the board. Sure the Ravens lost Ray Lewis, Anquan Boldin, Ed Reed, Paul Kruger, Darnelle Ellerbee and others, but I think they have done an exceptional job of filling these holes with a combination of rookies and veterans. New safeties veteran Michael Huff and rookie Matt Elam will fill a void in the back end of the secondary, while free agent signee Elvis Dumervil will upgrade the pass rush. Rookie inside linebacker Arthur Brown is ready to contribute right away, and free agent defensive linemen Chris Canty and Marcus Spears bring valuable experience. While the Ravens may not be quite as good as last season’s team, their schedule is not too tough, and I expect them to be fine. THE PICK: OVER (10-6)

Cincinnati Bengals
2012 record: 10-6
2013 over/under: 8.5 (over +110/under -130)

The Bengals were a playoff team in 2013, so I am surprised that their over/under is so low, and the AFC North should again be the most competitive division in football. Although quarterback Andy Dalton does not have the flash of the other quarterbacks to enter the league during his career span, he has won a lot of football games, and has shown he can lead a team to the postseason. The Bengals got Dalton additional weapons on offense, such as tight end Tyler Eifert and tailback Giovani Bernard in the draft, which should help him excel. Defensively, the already solid Bengals added veteran linebacker James Harrison in free agency, and added defensive lineman Margus Hunt and safety Shawn Williams in the draft. I see the Bengals trending up, and think that over 8.5 wins is free money based on their schedule, which gets easier after a tough state (@ Chicago, Pittsburgh, Green Bay). THE PICK: OVER (10-6)

Cleveland Browns
2012 record: 5-11
2013 over/under: 6 (over -110/under -110)

The Browns will be improved, and they were better than their record last year, but I still think that they are a year away from improving enough to contend in the division. I am surprised that it looks like new General Manager Mike Lombardi will stick with Brandon Weeden at quarterback, Lombardi spent the 2013 season killing Weeden on The B.S. Report With Bill Simmons podcast. The addition of pass rushers Paul Kruger (Free Agency) and Barkevious Mingo (draft) will help the defense, but they could still use help in the secondary for cornerback Joe Haden and safety T.J. Ward. They will have to rely heavily on tailback Trent Richardson on offense, they have some more pass catchers on offense, but lack a true number one. I only see two games on this schedule that the Browns will surely be favored in (Jags, Jets) and I think that in 2014 the Browns will get their quarterback and make the leap. In this division it will be tough to improve with three other teams who will be in playoff contention THE PICK: UNDER (5-11)

AFC South

Houston Texans
2012 record: 12-4
2013 over/under: 10 (over -110/under -110)

The Texans are clearly the class of this division and should have little resistance winning the AFC South again. Houston finally got a wide receiver opposite Andre Johnson in the NFL Draft, when they selected DeAndre Hopkins in the first round, and he has been turning heads so far. The addition of future Hall-of-Fame safety Ed Reed and rookie D.J. Swearinger should solidify the back end of the defense, and the rest of the defense will be solid, led by defensive end J.J. Watt. The running game will be great, Matt Schaub will be solid, and they despite a tough schedule they should get to double digit wins. They may split with the Colts, but could easily sweep the division. THE PICK: OVER (11-5)

Indianapolis Colts
2012 record: 11-5
2013 over/under: 8.5 (over EVEN/under -120)

Andrew Luck was incredible as a rookie in 2013 and he should continue to get better and better, however I did not love the Colts offseason, and think they could have done more to improve. I am not sure how first round pick Bjoern Werner fits the Colts defense, he is a high effort player with a great motor, but I am not sure where he lines up in Chuck Pagano’s 3-4 defense. I thought the Colts did a decent job at improving their offensive line by drafting Khaled Holmes and Hugh Thorton, both interior lineman should play a role in the future, but I worry about their tackles protecting Luck. I thought they improved their defense by adding free agents like safety LaRon Landry and linebacker Erik Walden, but thought that they overpaid for both. The team was also very inspired by head coach Chuck Pagano battling cancer last season, and “Chuckstrong” helped to motivate the team, I think they played a little better because of this. I think they will be good, but take a small step back in 2013, with a strong draft next season they will be ready to compete with the Texans for the division title. THE PICK: UNDER (8-8)

Tennessee Titans
2012 record: 6-10
2013 over/under: 6.5 (over -110/under -110)

The Titans offensive line has improved, with the addition of free agent guard Andy Levitrie and first round pick guard Chance Warmack, which should help both running back Chris Johnson and quarterback Jack Locker have better seasons. Guard play was a major weakness last season, and they did a lot to upgrade this clear need. Tight end will be a weakness, the Titans lost Jared Cook, and while they replaced him with the versatile Delanie Walker he is not the talent that Cook was as a pass catcher. The Titans were able to add another big target for Locker in rookie Justin Hunter, and I they did upgrade their secondary in the draft. For the Titans to succeed, they need a major bounce-back season from Chris Johnson, which seems like a longshot. This would allow Jake Locker to improve and help the team win some games. However the schedule is tough, and unless Johnson finds a time machine or Jake Locker improves dramatically, I think the Titans continue to struggle.THE PICK: UNDER (5-11)

Jacksonville Jaguars
2012 record: 2-14
2013 over/under: 5 (over -130/under +110)

The Jaguars 2013 season hinges on the quality of their quarterback play, and unless the winner of the Blaine Gabbert vs. Chad Henne quarterback battle competition can lead this offense and make big plays, the team will struggle again in 2013. Things will be even more difficult for the starting quarterback, because potential star wide receiver Justin Blackmon will be suspended for the first four games of the season, leaving the Jags without a reliable target. First round pick Luke Joeckel should help solidify the offensive line, and the return of a healthy Maurice Jones-Drew should make the offense more productive, but until the Jags find their quarterback it will be a struggle in Jacksonville offensively. THE PICK: UNDER (3-13)

AFC West

Denver Broncos
2012 record: 13-3
2013 over/under: 11.5 (over +110/under -130)

Tough call here, I think that the Broncos have improved, but a tougher schedule combined with a target on their backs will make it difficult to get to 12 wins. I think that the addition of Wes Welker will provide Manning with a safety blanket, and will open up more big plays for Demaryius Thomas and Eric Decker, and the Denver offense will be more explosive with the addition of rookie running back Montee Ball. Rookie tackle Sylvester Williams will help the interior of the Broncos defense, he is ready to contribute now, and has a nasty streak. The addition of Dominique Rodegrs-Cromartie gives Denever an upgrade at cornerback across from Champ Bailey. The loss of Elvis Dumervil due to a avoidable mistake, when Denever forgot to fax his contract by the deadline, will hurt the defense a bit in the short term. I expect the Broncos to win this division easily, when looking at the schedule, I feel more comfortable giving them 11 wins. THE PICK: UNDER (11-5)

San Diego Chargers
2012 record: 7-9
2013 over/under: 7.5 (over +115/under -135)

A lot of people are picking the Chargers to turn the team around in 2013, and when I look at their roster, I struggle to see why this would happen. I love the addition of D.J. Fluker in the first round of the draft, the massive tackle is ready to play now, and he should be a long term starter on the right side. However, one stud right tackle does not rebuild an offensive line that needed many other players to fully upgrade the unit, and the loss of starting guard Louis Vasquez (their best lineman last year) to the divisional rival Denver Broncos makes matters worse. Although right tackle will be greatly improved, the offensive line will continue to struggle as a whole, and they will fail to protect quarterback Philip Rivers and open holes for running back Ryan Matthews. The Chargers also lost their 2012 first round pick, linebacker Melvin Ingram, for the 2013 season with a torn ACL. I thought they got great value with linebacker Manti Te’o and wide receiver Keenan Allen in the draft, both will help, but I am not seeing enough talent on this roster to compete. THE PICK: UNDER 6-10

Kansas City Chiefs
2012 record: 2-14
2013 over/under: 7 (over -145/under +125)

I think the Chiefs will vastly improve under new head coach Andy Reid in 2013, they have a talented roster, but were hampered by horrible quarterback play over the last few seasons. The Chiefs traded for Alex Smith, who was playing very well for the 49ers until he was sidelined by an injury, then benched in favor of Colin Kaepernick. The Chiefs also greatly improved their secondary by adding cornerbacks Dunta Robinson and Sean Smith in free agency, and they get safety Eric Berry back 100% healthy. The Chiefs also added an underrated inside linebacker from Alabama in the draft in Nico Johnson, a physical player, who could push their linebacking corps to be elite. He takes on blockers and brings some toughness that the group lacked. Running back Jamaal Charles should have an excellent season, and Dwayne Bowe and the Chiefs receivers should play better due to the quarterback and coaching upgrade. THE PICK: OVER (9-7)

Oakland Raiders
2012 record: 4-12
2013 over/under: 5.5 (over +120/under -140)

It’s still hard to believe just how much the Raiders traded to get Carson Palmer just two offseasons ago. They dumped Palmer this offseason and Matt Flynn will likely be the Raiders starting quarterback in 2013, with Terrell Pryor and rookie Tyler Wilson entering the competition. The winner of the quarterback competition will not have a lot of reliable targets on offense, and the Raiders will be counting on wide receivers like Juron Criner, Denarius Moore and Jacoby Ford to make plays. The Raiders offensive line is a work-in-progress, and their defense will struggle, as most starters from the 2013 season will be gone. The current regime got dealt a tough hand by the mistakes of their predecessors, and while they are making progress in rebuilding the team, more work needs to be done before they have the talent and depth to succeed. THE PICK: UNDER (2-14)

Gawker Earlier this month, a man caught and killed a nearly 19-foot, 128-pound Burmese python near Miami. The snake is believe to be the largest ever captured in the state of Florida. On May 11, Jason Leon spotted roughly three feet of python protruding from some bushes in a rural area of Miami-Dade County. He pulled the 18-foot, 8-inch python to the road, only to lose control of the giant female snake, which quickly wrapped itself around his arms and legs. After calling for help, Leon killed the python with a knife. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission released a statement thanking Leon.

“Jason Leon’s nighttime sighting and capture of a Burmese python of more than 18 feet in length is a notable accomplishment that set a Florida record. The FWC is grateful to him both for safely removing such a large Burmese python and for reporting its capture,” said Kristen Sommers, with FWC, in a release.

Pythons have been a problem in Florida since the 1980s, when residents who adopted them as pets began releasing them into the wild. Many of the snakes also escaped pet stores during Hurricane Andrew in 1992. Without any natural predators, there’s nothing to stop the pythons from decimating local wildlife. As a result, Florida sponsors events like the “2013 Python Challenge” to combat the giant reptiles. Florida’s previous record for largest Burmese python was set last August when a 17-foot, 7-inch female was caught and killed in the Everglades. That snake, however, had the edge in weight – 164 pounds versus 128 – perhaps because it was pregnant with over 80 eggs. If you’re curious what python eggs look like, here’s a picture of 59 still inside a Burmese python captured in 2009.

We have discussed this before, Florida (LINK) this is what happens when you buy a snake  that you are unfit to care for. It starts out as a small snake, you think you are a badass for having a python, you feed it mice. The small snake grows to be huge, and instead of eating mice, it needs to eat rabbits or other larger rodents, it becomes a financial burden and a danger to your kids. You think, “oh I’ll just let in my snake go in the yard” and a thousand other idiots think the same thing. The snakes find each other, males find females, and they start to breed. A mother Burmese Python can lay upwards of 60 eggs, those babies grow up, and have babies. Since it is so warm in Florida, the snakes can survive, and there is plenty of food available including your neighbor’s dogs and children. As if Florida did not have enough dangerous animals native to the state, they now have killer 19-foot pythons, nice job Floridians!

Other Invasive Species SportSmasher Has Warned You About:

Monitor Lizards In Panama City

Snakeheads In New York City

Large, Aggressive Snails In Florida

Lemurs In Miami Florida

Large, Aggressive Mosquitos in Florida

Pythons In Florida

Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay

Thus concludes another chapter in “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.

Vitor Belfort hit an explosive spinning heel kick on Luke Rockhold in the first round Saturday Night in Brazil, knocking the former Strikeforce Middleweight Champion out, and putting the veteran Belfort in line for another title shot. Is this the greatest knockout of all-time? Or in the history of the UFC? I am not sure, but it is close, Rockhold did not see the kick coming and it caught him right in the chin. What impact! Add another devastating knockout to the long list that Belfort has accumulated over his career, this may be his best, the power of that kick was incredible. I could watch this kick a thousand times straight, that my friends is how you throw a spinning heel kick, the placement is perfect.

CBS SPORTS With the Lakers hoping for a swift decision from Dwight Howard on his free agency this summer, the All-Star center has given no indication he will rush the process and has privately indicated he plans to give strong consideration to multiple teams, league sources told CBSSports.com. Though Howard is adamant his free agency not be marred by the circus-like environment that surrounded his departure from Orlando last summer, word already has spread to multiple levels of his support staff that Howard re-signing with the Lakers is far from a done deal. With six weeks to go before Howard becomes an unrestricted free agent, the team that is said to intrigue him the most is the Houston Rockets, according to multiple people briefed on internal conversations surrounding Howard’s free-agent decision. The Rockets have a young star, James Harden, who has proved himself worthy of playing the leading role for the franchise; a budding 3-point shooting threat in Chandler Parsons; a defensive-minded coach in Kevin McHale; and Omer Asik, the kind of 7-footer Howard is believed to want next to him in the frontcourt. The Rockets are a couple of minor moves away from having room to sign Howard; they have a team option on Francisco Garcia’s $6.4 million and Carlos Delfino’s $3 million is fully non-guaranteed, for example. If they chose to or needed to make a trade to create room, they have numerous attractive young players on tradable contracts, such as 2012 No. 5 pick Thomas Robinson. Such assets could be moved to a team or teams under the cap to create room or packaged in a possible sign-and-trade with LA — if the Lakers became convinced Howard would leave and they’d receive nothing in return. The Mavericks represent another franchise that intrigues Howard, and Dallas is a minor transaction or two away from having enough room to sign Howard outright as an unrestricted free agent. Howard plans to explore all such options, and a person briefed on his plans told CBSSports.com that there are “several” teams the free-agent center is “going to take a hard look at.” The clear advantage for the Lakers in their effort to re-sign Howard is the 2011 collective bargaining agreement, which allows LA to give Howard a five-year deal with annual increases based on 7.5 percent of his first-year salary in a new deal — which will be in excess of $20 million. Another team with cap room to sign Howard could only give him a four-year deal with 4.5 percent annual increases — the same arrangement Howard would be limited to if he agreed to leave via a sign-and-trade. But Howard is only 27, and barring a career-ending injury, he’ll clearly get one more max deal after this one. A four-year deal with an opt-out after three years, for example, would in some ways be preferable to Howard because he’d hit the open market again at age 30 and could then secure his five-year max deal. Also, by signing with a team in Texas — where the Rockets and Mavs obviously reside — Howard would reap substantial savings by paying no state income tax. According to some early estimates, Howard’s tax savings in Texas could approach $10 million over four years. Though league sources acknowledge it would be difficult for Howard to leave LA and its off-court branding opportunities, Howard would find himself in somewhat of a dead-end in terms of the talent surrounding him with the Lakers going forward. If the Lakers re-signed Howard, even the bold move of amnestying Pau Gasol and his $19.3 million contract would leave them too far over the luxury-tax line to have access to anything beyond the taxpayer mid-level exception and minimum contracts to improve the roster. Teams that are $4 million or more above the tax line cannot use the full mid-level or bi-annual exceptions to sign free agents. Also, Kobe Bryant will be 35 and coming off surgery to repair a torn Achilles tendon. In the summer of 2014, when LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony and other stars become free agents, the Lakers would only have Howard and Steve Nash under contract. Among the key questions Howard will be asking himself in the next six weeks is whether he’s willing to endure another difficult season in LA with the prospect of rebuilding in 2014-15. The Rockets would have Howard, Harden, Asik, Parsons and Jeremy Lin at that point, with flexibility to further upgrade the roster. One of the people briefed on Howard’s plans stressed that no decision has been made on his impending free agency. But with so many options available and issues in play, Howard doesn’t seem to be on track for the kind of quick decision the Lakers were hoping for so they’d have time to plan their offseason. In short: Let the Dwightmare begin. Again.

It’s my worst nightmare, the return of the Dwightmare for a second year in a row, after all of the nonsense Dwight Howard has put basketball fans through over the past year-and-a-half I feel legitimately sick to my stomach at the prospects of going through this again. I get why Howard would be intrigued by the Rockets, they have a young core of budding stars led by James Harden, who they fleeced the Thunder to get, and he would have a chance to contend in Houston throughout his prime. They also have more assets than any other franchise in the NBA and have many options to continue to improve their team. I get why Howard would be intrigued by the Mavs, Mark Cuban is an excellent owner who will spend to make the Mavs contenders around Howard, and everything about their organization will be state of the art by NBA standards. In both cases, no income tax in Texas is a huge plus, and means more money in Howard’s pockets. When Howard looks at the Lakers, he sees an aging team with a 35-year-old Kobe Bryant coming off of a torn Achilles tendon, and a 39-year-old Steve Nash who is past his prime and not a lot else. He sees a team which lacks assets and failed to mesh in the 2012-2013 season despite having four perennial All-Stars on the roster (Nash, Bryant, Pau Gasol and Howard). The Lakers pitch to Howard will include the fact that they are the Los Angeles Lakers, and have always been able to draw free agents, and will be able quickly rebuild around Howard when Kobe and Nash call it quits. Howard will have plenty of suitors and plenty of options this summer as an unrestricted free agent, however if he wants to continue to rehabilitate his image, he needs to make his decision quickly. If you are reading this Dwight, do not put basketball fans through another Dwightmare, a summer full of stories speculating on your future. Do not discuss your courtship with the media, act all wishy-washy with your decision, and come across as a selfish and arrogant clown for the second summer in a row. Make your decision quick, be confident with it, and stick to it. Do not throw any teammates or coaches, new or old, under the bus in the process. Act like a man. The last thing we need this summer is a sequel to the Dwightmare debacle.

Every season, there always a few overachievers and underachievers when it comes to fantasy football. The question the following year is always about whether or not it was a new trend or a blip on the screen. Here’s a look at three guys who should have a much better 2013 after a rough 2012.

Eli Manning

Boy, what a difference a year makes. Last season, Eli was coming off a Super Bowl Championship and a strong end to the 2011 fantasy football season. Fast forward a year, and Manning struggled with consistency while his brother excelled.

Without a healthy Hakeem Nicks, Manning struggled to get much of anything going. He failed to notch 4000 passing yards for the first time since 2008, and he finished outside of the top 10 among quarterbacks. He should return to the top 10 this season though, meaning he is a starter in most leagues.

LeSean McCoy

The Eagles were terrible last season, and after singing a five-year extension in May of 2012, McCoy struggled to get much of anything going during the season. He actually had more receiving touchdowns (3) than rushing touchdowns (2).

McCoy had two great seasons before last year’s disappointment, so there is a chance the 25-year old returns to his old self. Injury scares are somewhat of a concern, but he should be a fine option to get a deal on in Fantasy Football 2013.

Larry Fitzgerald

Fitzgerald himself did not have a down year in 2012, but the Arizona Cardinals could not find anyone to give him the ball. The Cardinals went out and picked up Carson Palmer, who might not be an elite quarterback, but he should be at least an upgrade.
Despite slowly aging, Fitzgerald is still one of the best wide receivers in the game. As long as he is targeted, he will put up numbers. New head coach Bruce Arians likes to pass, so that is another plus for him.

Huffington Post In a story that resembles a made-for-TV movie, a single woman appears to have painted a picture of her future husband before she had ever seen his face. In 2009, artist Chloe Mayo created a romantic depiction of her dream husband — tall, dark, handsome, and bearded. According to Bournemouth News & Picture Service, the 31-year-old artist quickly forgot about the painting and a couple weeks later took up online dating. She encountered Michael Goeman on a singles’ site before meeting him in person. When the couple finally met, she was struck by the feeling of déjà vu. After realizing her new beau resembled her prophesied hubby, she hid the evidence under her bed. “I thought that if he saw the picture he would think I was a stalker…” she told the Daily Mail. As the relationship evolved, Mayo decided to reveal her predictive painting and Goeman later popped the question. The couple were married last May and the artwork now hangs in their home. Check out the painting in comparison with the couple’s photographs in the slideshow below and let us know your thoughts in the comments.

You have got to be kidding me, Chloe Mayo! Are you some sort of scam artist trying to convince the world that you have psychic abilities? Your painting, which could have been done by a eighth grade stoner, offers no details on your future husband. Wow! They both have a beard, that is so amazing. It’s obvious that you were attracted to men with beards, hence you painted your future husband with a beard, so it should be no surprise that you are marrying a person that you are clearly attracted to. Almost everyone marries the type of person that they are attracted to, unless they get drunk, knock up a fat chick and decide to do the right thing. What makes this story even less newsworthy is the fact that you met your future husband online dating, so it is a near certainty that you subconsciously were attracted to your husband in his profile because he resembled your artistic depiction of what you thought your husband would look like. It would be like if I drew the below sketch (stolen from “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”) of what i thought my future wife would look like, and then ended up marrying a chick with big tits. Holy shit, I have psychic abilities too:

Huffington Post A man in upstate New York got a taste of jail after being arrested for allegedly exposing his penis in a grocery store and rubbing it with a stick of pepperoni. Police arrested John Allison, 41, Wednesday night after a loss prevention officer allegedly noticed the suspect’s saucy behavior on security video. “I watched him go to the back of the store near the beer and the bakery sections. The guy was standing in a corner … I thought he was going to steal some merchandise. Instead, he undid what I thought might be his belt. I then saw him unzip his pants,” the unidentified store worker said according to the Watertown Daily Times. Allison then rubbed a packaged stick of pepperoni on his exposed package before putting the now-tainted deli meat back on the store shelf, WWNYTV.com reported.
Allison was charged with public lewdness and fourth-degree criminal mischief since the store was unable to sell the penis-rubbed pepperoni. He was taken to the Lawrence County Jail, but has since been released on a $2,000 bond, according to the International Business Times.

I need to know what John Allison’s motivation is here, is he turned on by cured deli meats like George Costanza on “Seinfeld”? Does rubbing random meats on his junk get his blood flowing? If so, at least he didn’t jam the stick of pepperoni up his ass, then put it back on the shelf. John Allison, if you want to fool around with deli meats, at least do the general public the courtesy of purchasing the meat first, if you put it back on the shelves you can make others sick. Now you look both disgusting and cheap.

Or maybe John Allison dates a fat chick, and his only chance at getting a blowjob is if she smells the pepperoni, then goes to investigate his man-meat.

Fans know Joe Rogan as “The UFC Guy” or “The Fear Factor Guy” or “That Guy From Newsradio” but before all of that he was one of the funniest stand up comedians on the planet. He still is, I saw him at The State Theater in New Brunswick, New Jersey a few weekends ago and he absolutely destroyed. I am an avid fan of stand up comedy and he was one of the funnier acts I have ever seen.  Joey Diaz, a regular guest on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast opened for him, and he was insanely hilarious as well. Anyway, it’s Sunday, enjoy this Joe Rogan but about interviewing Brock Lesnar, because it’s both funny and true. This is not safe for work, your parents, religious folks or the elderly.