TheSmokingGun Police today arrested the Taco Bell employee accused of striking his manager with a “hot burrito” during a tirade about having to work the morning shift at a South Carolina restaurant. Christopher Dalton, 28, was collared around 10:30 AM by Spartanburg cops and booked into the county jail on assault and battery and malicious damage charges. Dalton, pictured at right, is scheduled today for a 5 PM bond hearing on the misdemeanor counts. Spartanburg police were summoned last week to Taco Bell after Dalton got into a confrontation with Patricia Keeley, his manager. As detailed in a police report, Dalton was reportedly upset about his work schedule and “was getting into several verbal disputes with other coworkers.” Keeley told cops that when she told Dalton to “stop being a crybaby,” he “slung” a burrito at her. “The melted cheese got all over her left arm and went all down her left side and leg,” cops noted. The thrown burrito also “made a mess of the entire kitchen as well, getting cheese over all the appliances,” Keeley recalled. Before storming out of the Taco Bell, Dalton “took off his headset and broke it on his knee and threw it on the ground, causing it to break into several pieces,” the report states.
There is no worse Mexican food to be assaulted with than a burrito. Sure someone that knows how to launch throwing stars, like a ninja, could do serious damage with tortilla chips. And an Olympic discus thrower could probably take you out from long range with a quesadilla. However, a burrito has heft, and being assaulted with a burrito could do some serious damage. If that burrito is loaded with carnitas pork, black beans and rice, and it catches you in the temple…you could end up dead. True story. Plus, if that burrito has sour cream in it you will look like you just took a money shot, adding insult to injury. If you really want to assault someone, using only Mexican food, reach for that burrito. This man should be charged with assault with a deadly weapon.