FloridaToday A 23-year-old man who told police he punched an ATM because it gave him too much cash, was arrested after bank officials said the attack caused at least $5,000 in damages. Cocoa police charged Michael Joseph Oleksik, of Merritt Island, on Friday with criminal mischief nearly a month into the investigation of a disturbance at the Wells Fargo bank branch at 834 N. Cocoa Boulevard, in Cocoa. Authorities said Oleksik can be seen on surveillance video standing at the ATM, pummeling the electronic teller’s touch screen on Nov. 29. A short time later, an apologetic Oleksik called the bank and told a manager that he punched the ATM because he was ‘angry the ATM was giving him too much money and he did not know what to do,’ records show. Oleksik also said that he was in a hurry for work and apologized for the damage to the bank’s ATM. Wells Fargo contacted the Cocoa Police Department and asked to press charges. Oleksik was arrested Friday and booked into the Brevard County Jail Complex in Sharpes.
I hate it when that happens. An ATM machine had the audacity to give a Florida man named Michael Joseph Oleksik too much money, so Michael Joseph Oleksik attacked the ATM machine causing $5,000 worth of damage, then Michael Joseph Oleksik called the bank and tattletaled on himself for breaking the ATM machine which led to his arrest. WTF, dude? When an ATM machine gives you too much money, you pretend like you did not realize that it happened for the ATM camera, then you whistle and walk away. Then you use that extra money to buy Poweball tickets, because those are the type of people who win the Powerball, people who buy tickets with random found money. You definitely do not beat the crap out of the ATM machine, because it dispensed too much cash, leading to your arrest. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go beat up my boss, who gave me a Christmas bonus.
Only in Florida:
This concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more, click the ““Fucking Florida” tag on this page.