WTSP A man who bit a relative and a puppy was charged with those crimes and a DUI as he fled from his home, Rockledge police said. Zachary Thomas Kelly, 30, of the 1000 block of Coronado Drive, Rockledge, was charged with cruelty to animals, battery domestic violence, reckless driving, driving without a license and driving under the influence. He remained at the Brevard County Jail in lieu of $5,500 bail. The events happened Monday at Kelly’s home, when a relative heard the four-month-old puppy yelping, according to the affidavits. Kelly told her the dog was acting up and he chose to discipline the puppy by biting its ears, the affidavit states. That led to a fight with another relative, during which Kelly bit him on the chest, family members said. Kelly drove away from the home in a Chrysler Sebring and his family members called police. An officer said he began following the car on Barton Boulevard, where Kelly was driving 80 mph in a 35-mph zone. He drove through a red light when he turned on U.S. 1, police said. The Chrysler was stopped in the 1000 block of U.S. 1. Officers said they smelled alcohol on Kelly, who declined to either perform sobriety exercises or submit to a blood-alcohol content test.
As we know, all of the craziest crimes happen in Florida, and this is the most “Fucking Florida” headline we have seen recently, as the arrest of Florida man Michael Kelly is going viral. Michael Kelly’s four-month-old puppy was “acting up”, so a drunken Michael Kelly decided the best way to discipline the dog was to bite the puppy on the ears, a ridiculous act of animal cruelty. When relatives heard the puppy yelling and responded, a fight ensued, and Michael Kelly bit one of his relatives on the chest. Family members called police as Michael Kelly fled the scene of his crimes, and when cops stopped him nearby driving over twice the speed limit, he was busted for DUI. He was also hit with assault and animal cruelty charges. If you bite a puppy on the ears, you are an asshole, and deserve to be arrested.
Only in Florida:
This concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more, click the ““Fucking Florida” tag on this page.