NYDailyNews Fidel Gonzalez Gutierrez’s mugshot is causing people to do a double-take because of his uncanny resemblance to Santa Claus. In the photo, Gutierrez is seen wearing a red tank top and has long white hair and a thick beard that closely matches Santa’s. However, unlike Jolly Old Saint Nick Gutierrez has found himself in some trouble. The 58-year-old Florida Keys man was arrested Tuesday on ten felony counts related to cocaine, Fox 4 reports. Six of those counts allege Gutierrez was selling cocaine within 1000 feet of a school or place of worship. Monroe County Sheriff’s Office told ABC 10 that Gutierrez, a fisherman, was caught selling drugs to an undercover detective six different times between February and March. The Santa doppelgänger is currently in a Monroe County jail and is being held without bond.
I knew that Santa Claus is closely associated with white powder, but I thought we were talking about snow, not booger sugar. Santa Claus is apparently a snow bird, spending the offseason living in sunny Florida under the alias Fidel Gonzalez Gutierrez, a cocaine selling fisherman who recently got arrested. So that’s why Rudolph has a red nose, and why Santa can make it to every house in the world in one night, he’s powered by cocaine. This is not the first time we have seen Santa Claus in trouble with the law, a man legally named Santa Claus who also bears a striking resemblance to Santa Claus was arrested for DUI in Idaho, so In the Christmas offseason Saint Nick clearly likes to party.
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This concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more, click the ““Fucking Florida” tag on this page.