WFLA Police say a 57-year-old man stole steak and lobster at a Brooksville Walmart – and put the food items down his pants The incident occurred on Thursday at the 7305 Broad St. store, according to the Brooksville Police Department. Mark Alan Belkola is accused of taking six packages of steak and two packages of lobster, valued at $172.98, and putting them down his pants. He “was then observed passing all points of sale,” police said. Belkola was taken into custody. He is being held on a $2,000 bond, police said.
Did you invite a guest over for dinner, maybe a date or an old friend, but don’t have any food? Well in Florida, you can go pick up some “Florida Fast Food”, which is code for stealing food from Walmart by shoving it down your pants. In the case of Mark Alan Belkola, he stuck six steaks and two lobsters down his pants, and tried to walk out of a Walmart which led to his arrest. Imagine being an invited guest to dinner at Mark Alan Belkola’s house for some Surf And Turf that night, who was disappointed when dinner was abruptly canceled, I bet you are glad you did not eat his lobster and steak marinated in grundle sweat.
P.S. Gotta be careful putting those lobsters down your pants, if one of them slips the rubber band securing its claws while it’s in your pants and pinches you, your whole plan is derailed.
This concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more, click the ““Fucking Florida” tag on this page.