TCPalm.com A 20-year-old man accused of attacking his uncle with a toilet seat lid wound up in a pile of trouble, according to a recently released St. Lucie County Sheriff’s report. Norris Troutman told a deputy Jan. 9 that his 48-year-old uncle was “mocking” him so he hit him in the head with the toilet seat lid, the report states. A deputy rolled up to Troutman’s listed address in the 100 block of Hilton Drive in Fort Pierce and spoke to the uncle. The uncle said he was watching television with another family member when he heard the apparent sound of “someone running down the hallway from the bathroom.” The uncle saw Troutman, saying Troutman “struck him in the back of his head with a toilet seat lid,” a report states. The uncle said he didn’t provoke the attack. He said Troutman grabbed the toilet seat lid, which is the lid of a toilet seat, from the window sill of the bathroom. Troutman evidently didn’t try to brownnose the deputy. He said he hit his uncle in the head with the toilet seat lid because his uncle was “mocking” him. The report did not say whether deputies had a log of prior calls for service at the residence. Troutman was arrested on a felony aggravated battery charge.
Norris Troutman’s uncle must have really been “mocking” him aggressively, he must have really been asking for it, because I would have to be extremely infuriated to grab something as disgusting as a used toilet seat as a weapon to attack my uncle. I don’t care how angry you are, if you are looking for a weapon and all you can find is a used toilet seat, you think about it for a second and then keep looking. Of course, if you are so angry at your uncle that you overcome the disgusting germs which inhabit a used toilet seat, nothing adds more insult to injury for the victim than getting hit with a shit stained toilet seat.
This concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more, click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.