WCTV SPRING HILL, Fla. (AP) — A lion is reportedly on the loose in the Tampa Bay area. The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office said Friday that it was assisting state wildlife authorities in locating a lion that apparently got loose from a Spring Hill wildlife sanctuary. Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman Gary Morse said a lion somehow got away from the Survival Outreach Sanctuary, but no other details were immediately available. Messages left at the sanctuary were not immediately returned.
Didn’t Floridians have enough to deal with? Floridians are in constant danger from alligators and pythons, monkeys infected with herpes, giant African land snails, huge lizards, the skunk ape, lemurs, and large, aggressive mosquitoes from the natural world. And now there is a lion on the loose in Tampa Bay. Good luck Floridians, keep your eyes open, the King of the Jungle is on the prowl.
Imagine new Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach Lovie Smith house hunting in the area today, he takes a look in his new backyard and sees a lion fighting with an alligator. I would quit the Buccaneers job and exclaim “Fuck Florida!” as I speed towards the airport.
This concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Moat Fucked Up State” for more, click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.