Orlando Sentinel Santa Claus is known for giving gifts, but a very bad Santa on Monday robbed a Volusia County SunTrust and left behind a present that forced the evacuation of the bank. The man, wearing a Santa hat, beard and long white wig walked into the bank in Port Orange about 3:15 p.m., two days before Christmas, with a package wrapped in red patterned holiday wrap, a picture released by police shows. The robber placed the box on the counter in front of a teller, implied that the package was dangerous and demanded money, said Lt. John Jakovenko, a police spokesman. He did not have a weapon. The fake Santa, who also wore sunglasses, walked out with an undetermined amount of cash and left the package behind. Investigators evacuated the bank at 3865 S. Nova Road and summoned the Volusia County bomb squad. Jakovenko would not say what was in the box, but it was found to be harmless. The robber was described as about 6 feet tall and in his 30s or early 40s.
It looks like Santa was a couple of dollars short when he had to pay the Elves this holiday season, so he decided to deliver a explosive present to a Florida bank to make up for lost wages, in what had to be a spur of the moment decision. He’s high on milk and cookies (and PCP), he’s got the reindeer parked on the roof, he already has several aliases. It’s the perfect crime.
Seriously though, doesn’t the seem like a robbery that one criminal dares another to commit at the end of a long night of drinking? “Bro, I bet you can’t rob a bank right before Christmas, dressed as Santa, with nothing but a fake explosive present as a threat.”
I just hope that we start seeing wanted posters like this around Florida:
This concludes another chapter in “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.