Huffington Post Keep cutting the cheese, America. A British line of fart-filtering underwear is doing big business, and it has the United States to thank for it. “Americans are making up the majority of our sales at the moment,” Shreddies spokeswoman Ianthe Betts-Clarke told The Huffington Post. Since word about the odor-neutralizing Shreddies passed through the Internet a few days ago, the company has experienced a 400 percent increase in orders over all, Betts-Clarke estimated. Shreddies weaves a carbon cloth called Zorflex into its rear panel. Betts-Clarke says it can squash the smell of “200 times the average flatulence emission.” (Shreddies apparently hasn’t met my Aunt Edna.) In 2008, the company began to serve customers with digestive-tract woes but branched out. “It’s a product for everybody, because everyone farts,” Betts-Clarke explained. Men’s boxer briefs cost between $39 and $45, while women’s panties are about $31 to $34. A product called the Flat-D Flatulence Deodorizer is also on the market. It’s an activated charcoal cloth pad that tapes to the inside of briefs to mask the stink. Imagine your silent but deadly farts now just silent.
At first this product sounded great to me, I can fart in the office with no embarrassment or repercussions, where do I sign up? I would order several pairs of these, eat hot chili constantly, fart up a storm all day and walk around smelling like a Glade Plug-In. Then I discovered the hole “Shreddies” idea. It’s the noise. My farts often sound like a tuba solo or a foghorn sounding as a ship cruises into a rocky port, I would still be constantly shamed by coworkers in the office and chicks at bars would still be disgusted with me, which to me makes this invention useless. Sure it wouldn’t smell, but everyone would still know that the air is filled with my shit particles, so I would still be ashamed. I love the idea, “Shreddies” you have tackled the issue of smell, and if you can make your product noise canceling you just might turn this would into a utopia. Work on smell neutralizing, noise canceling underwear, hopefully something in a dark color to mask skid marks. Then I will proudly endorse your product, in fact I think that it could be the most beneficial invention to humanity since Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, or at least since Al Gore invented the Internet.