WFTV A man and a woman were arrested after they broke into Mainland High School to have sex, and then vandalized the vending machines because the man said he had the “beer munchies,” said police. Daytona Beach authorities arrested Vincent Ewell, 18, and Lindsay Longbottom, 19, after an officer found them in a car, trying to drive away. Police said they found open doors and vandalized vending machines after an officer responded to a triggered alarm at the school. The officer said he heard glass break and then saw the pair in a car. The two also told police they broke into the school because they needed a place to have sex, so Longbottom’s boyfriend would not find out. Ewell and Longbottom are facing burglary charges.
First off, the chick’s name is Lindsay Longbottom? That would make a excellent female porn star’s name.
Secondly, the couple broke into a school to have sex so Longbottom’s boyfriend wouldn’t find out? Well he found out the hard way, probably by going to pick Longbottom up from jail. Longbottom probably could have left the sex out of the story and said they just broke into the school to use the vending machines. Sure the boyfriend would have been suspicious, but it doesn’t change the charges.
Also, you had to break into a school to have sex? Why couldn’t this couple just have had sex in the backseat of a car on the side of the road, like the rest of us did when we were 18-years-old? And you couldn’t have just gotten down to business? You just had to have some Combos before you had sex and the only way to get some delicious salty treats was to smash the vending machine?
Here is what I think happened – Vincent Ewell was thinking with his dick, and was ushering Lindsay Longbottom into the school, so he could get laid. As they passed the vending machines, the snacks caught Longbottom’s eye, and like any drunk chick she said “Baby, I’m starving…I really want some Combos…” Ewell was like “right now? Come on…lets get it on!” Longbottom said “I’ll let you do whatever you want to me if you get the combos first…” Then Ewell, temped, smashed the vending machine like a hero, the breaking glass alerted the police, and they got busted.
Happens all the time to drunk dudes, doing something stupid with the promise of pussy at the end, I’d advise you guys not to fall for it but you will.
This concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.