Huffington Post A man in upstate New York got a taste of jail after being arrested for allegedly exposing his penis in a grocery store and rubbing it with a stick of pepperoni. Police arrested John Allison, 41, Wednesday night after a loss prevention officer allegedly noticed the suspect’s saucy behavior on security video. “I watched him go to the back of the store near the beer and the bakery sections. The guy was standing in a corner … I thought he was going to steal some merchandise. Instead, he undid what I thought might be his belt. I then saw him unzip his pants,” the unidentified store worker said according to the Watertown Daily Times. Allison then rubbed a packaged stick of pepperoni on his exposed package before putting the now-tainted deli meat back on the store shelf, WWNYTV.com reported.
Allison was charged with public lewdness and fourth-degree criminal mischief since the store was unable to sell the penis-rubbed pepperoni. He was taken to the Lawrence County Jail, but has since been released on a $2,000 bond, according to the International Business Times.
I need to know what John Allison’s motivation is here, is he turned on by cured deli meats like George Costanza on “Seinfeld”? Does rubbing random meats on his junk get his blood flowing? If so, at least he didn’t jam the stick of pepperoni up his ass, then put it back on the shelf. John Allison, if you want to fool around with deli meats, at least do the general public the courtesy of purchasing the meat first, if you put it back on the shelves you can make others sick. Now you look both disgusting and cheap.
Or maybe John Allison dates a fat chick, and his only chance at getting a blowjob is if she smells the pepperoni, then goes to investigate his man-meat.