NBC Miami Authorities are investigating after a pair of lemurs got loose and one of them scratched a little girl in North Miami Beach early Monday. North Miami Beach Police say they received a call around 2 a.m. of two monkeys attacking a girl in the area of Northeast 172nd Street and 20th Avenue. The 2-year-old girl had been getting out of a car with her mother when she was scratched in the face by one of the lemurs, police said. “I have never in my 17 years,” said North Miami Beach Police Sgt. Richard Rand. “This is the first time I’ve ever been dispatched to a call like this.”
Fucking Florida! The one place in the United States where they should ban exotic pets, but instead everyone who calls the sunshine state has a substance abuse problem and at least one exotic pet, a terrible combination.
Why should exotic pets be banned in Florida? Simple. Because the entire state is so warm and temperate that exotic animals not only survive, but thrive, once they escape from their drugged up owners.
Just look at the problem that pythons are currently causing in Florida. So many residents had pet pythons that either escaped or got so big that their owners let them go in Florida over the last two decades that they have established breeding populations in the wild and are decimating native wildlife.
This would not be a problem here in New York, the escaped wildlife would be killed off by the climate in a few hours, but in Florida they adjust just fine.
I say we just release tigers in Florida next, make things a little more interesting for Floridians, but for now Lemurs will have to do.
Thus concludes another chapter of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more, click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.