Tampa Bay Online Chelsea Lane, 21, was caught after crossing a canal and arrested in connection with six burglaries in Hernando County. She is being held in the Hernando County Detention Center. Her bond is $8,000. A homeowner caught Lane in the act on Friday at 6474 Richard Drive, the sheriff’s office said. The homeowner chased Lane toward a canal. Lane jumped in and tried to flee by doing the “backstroke” across the canal to Fine Street, the sheriff’s office said. Deputies caught her on the other side. Lane admitted to numerous burglaries when talking to detectives, saying the burglaries were committed during the day in the hope of finding jewelry. Lane also told detectives that her accomplice was Richard Leach, who helped by driving the getaway vehicle and pawning some stolen items. The pair used the money for drugs. Lane told detectives that they would knock on the victim’s door and if there was no answer, would go to the back of the residence and break in through a slider door or break a window, the sheriff’s office said.
Fucking Florida, where chicks break into homes and try to escape by jumping into canals, do a Michael Phelps impression to elude cops. The backstroke? That doesn’t look suspicious, you need to do something more evasive, like hide underwater breathe through a reed, like Rambo.
This is why, if I live in Florida I keep nuisance alligators living in my canals, and don’t call the “Gator Boys” to come and remove them. This druggie chick should have been a hot lunch for a ten-foot gator the second she hit the water, and all of the victims of her crimes could be satisfied knowing that she is now gator shit on the bottom of a canal.
Thus concludes another episode of “Fucking Florida: Tales From America’s Most Fucked Up State” for more click the “Fucking Florida” tag on this page.