Huffington Post Yes, there is a product called “Liquid Ass.” “It smells like somebody hasn’t took a bath for three months and their butt is really, really sweaty and they haven’t wiped their tush in a long time,” Jason Festerman told Fox 2. Apparently Festerman’s son, a student at Marine City Middle School in Marine City, Mich., brought in the foul-smelling product on Monday and sprayed it around as a joke. When Festerman got a phone call saying his son was suspended for the day, he told the station, he came to pick the boy up. The scene that ensued, however, landed the elder Festerman in hot water, too. Police — and the school — are saying the father sprayed Liquid Ass on campus, too. “A parent sprayed a foul-smelling spray in the lobby of MCMS,” Principal Catherine Woolman told The Huffington Post in an email. “We have high expectations for appropriate behavior at MCMS, including adults visiting the building.” She noted that if those expectations are not met, “we take action up to and including contacting our local authorities, if deemed appropriate for the situation.” Festerman told Fox 2 he’s been charged with disorderly conduct. He claims that he wasn’t intentionally spraying it, but was just “checking” the canister “to see if anything was in it.” He also says, however, that spraying Liquid Ass is somewhat of a family pastime for the Festermans. “We’ve gone to Kmart. We’ve had our kids with it and were spraying,” he said. “We’ve done it at like Dollar General. Everyone laughed.”
This has to be the biggest redneck family in all of Michigan, just bridging the generational gap through a mutual love of fart spray, it really brings a tear to your eye. You can almost hear “Cats In The Cradle” playing in the background when you read this story.
True story. “Liquid Ass” got 4.6 out of 5.0 stars on amazon.com so this shit must stink a hole to hell. Liquid ass, in case the situation calls for an odor, but you can’t work up a fart.