We all have them in our leagues. They are the worst. If you fall into one of these buckets, its time for some serious soul searching b/c you are a complete douche and probably ruining your fantasy league for everyone else. Let’s count the assholes down…
5. The Guy Who Doesn’t Pay Attention: This guy can single handedly ruin a season for everyone. Common characteristics of this person include starting payers on their bye week or while out with an injury. The worst is when you end up playing this asshole the one week that their team is playing and healthy (week 1) and are handed a loss while he hands out free wins for everyone else all year. If you aren’t going to pay attention… then stick to something you are good at… like packing bongs and playing complete video game baseball seasons.
4. The Guy Who Doesn’t Pay: See what I did there? This guy is douchey for obvious reasons… They are always late to pay their entry fee and often times you are stuck tracking them down after the season is over so the winner will stop complaining that they haven’t gotten all their money yet. Speaking of which… I’m not bankrolling for Johnny Cheapskate just b/c I am the commissioner. The league champion should feel free to call them direct for their money b/c clearly they aren’t sending me a check.
3. The Terrible Trade Offer Guy: I’m not trading you Ray Rice for Kendall Wright and Shonn Greene… or anyone else on your bench for that matter. This guy continuously sends out terrible trade offers to everyone in the league, to the point of humor. It would actually be funny but dickhead from #5 decides to log in one day and accepts one of these idiotic offers and next thing you know, terrible trade guy is actually competitive.
2. The Message Board Drama Queen: There is nothing better in fantasy football that good old message board chatter. But every league has that one guy who uses the message board has his own personal spotlight to stir up shit. Whether he is complaining about a trade, protesting a league vote, or whining about how the league should have its own instant replay rule… drama is sure to follow. He’ll dish it out good, but don’t you dare call him out or you will have a “I’m taking my ball and going home” crisis on your hands. This pain in the ass is almost always the same dude who threatens to quit when a vote doesn’t go his way.
1. The “Let’s Talk About How Great My Team Is” Dickhead: This guy is the wooooorst. He fakes interest in talking about the league or strategy for just long enough to get to his real point… how incredibly awesome he is at fantasy football and how his team has zero weaknesses. This blatant over compensation gets old fast as nobody has the time to hand out the virtual blow jobs for drafting a good team that this guy wants throw his way at all times. You cringe when you see a text or missed call b/c it is sure to follow with a half hour dissertation on god’s gift to fantasy football himself and the amazing team he has assembled.
If you fall into any of these categories… seek help… or jump in front of moving traffic.