Florida (of course) Robert Wheeler, of Vero Beach, is accused of punching a pizza delivery person in the face “because he forgot the garlic knots” according to an arrest affidavit, reports Will Greenlee in his Off the Beat blog for TCPalm.com in Stuart. Naughty, naughty, naughty. The delivery person also reported that the 48-year-old man with a ‘fat boy’ tattoo told him to “give that (the punch) to the person working on the phone back at the restaurant.” Wheeler reportedly maintains the punch wasn’t about the garlic knots — it was all about the dough he was owed.
Garlic knots flat out suck. Easily the worst appetizer available at a pizza place, its just dough soaked in garlic with a little sauce, and they are burnt half the time and undercooked the other half. If you had to power rank the appetizers at your normal pizza place you have to rank them:
1) Mozzarella Sticks
2) Fried Calamari
3) Eggplant Rollatine
4) Buffalo Wings (pizza place wings always suck and leave me wanting good bar wings)
5) Garlic Knots
If the delivery boy forgot his Mozzarella Sticks, Big Bobby Wheeler could have slit his throat with a pizza cutter and gotten away with justifiable homicide, free on his own recognizance. But garlic knots? I’d say he did you a favor, Big Man.
NOTE: Thus concludes another installment of “Fucking Florida” click on the tag to see more stories from America’s most fucked up state.