Tonight’s Mega Millions Jackpot is the largest of all time with the pre-tax Jackpot reaching $540 million and rising. If you are the lucky winner, the best thing to do is quietly get legal and financial advice, and according to Jose Canseco, he is the man for the job.
Canseco just tweeted:
@josecanseco Who ever wins the lottery contact me Jc7264@yahoo.com . I can give you advice on how to use your money wisely and show where the land mines are.
This is the same Jose Canseco that was just playing in the Mexican leagues because he’s broke, but was banned for abusing testosterone. The same man who had to has lost homes to foreclosure over the past few years. The same guy who had to resort to celebrity boxing as a means of income after squandering the millions he made as a steroid abusing major league baseball star in the 1980s and 1990s, losing repeatedly.
Jose Canseco, a man I wouldn’t trust with a nickel, I’m contacting you when I hit the mega millions jackpot tonight. If I win, the first thing I’m doing is emailing Jose, just to hear what he says and laugh. I might even set up a meeting. Then do the exact opposite of everything he advises. That guy is money kryptonite, doing the opposite of his financial advice would double my wealth in no time. Jose Canseco: Reverse Financial Advisor.
I see it going something like this: Jose what should I do with my $540 million dollars?
“I’m glad you asked, you’re going to want to be smart with it. The first thing we’re going to do is go yacht shopping, but we’re buying two, so we can race them. Then you need to buy me tons of steroids, so I can get back in baseball, and break that cheater Barry Bonds’ home run record. Also, you should sponsor my MMA Academy, my students are a combined 0-36 under my twin brother Sensei Ozzie. Then just give me an allowance of a million bucks a day. Oh, and with whatever is left, investments or something, I dunno.”
If I win tonight, I contact Jose for reverse financial advice and blog about it. Maybe I buy a small market team and make Jose manager just for fun. I implore whoever wins this thing to somehow get Jose Canseco involved.