Conference championship weekend. The New York Giants (myself included) are one win away from the Super Bowl. Of course it’s in Indianapolis (real creative city name, assholes) this year. Thanks Roger Goodell, instead of splashing co-eds in the breaking waves and throwing crumbled up one dollar bills at latina strippers in Miami or Phoenix, I’ll be freezing my nipples off and pissing on myself for warmth in Indy. That Meadowlands Super Bowl is a great idea by the way…what’s next London? I rant, I rave I get off topic, but here are my prop bets for today.
(Side note I’ll take Giants +3 and Pats -7 and a random Ramses Barden helmet catch as the Giants beat the Pats in the Super Bowl)
Prop Bets, The sexiest of all the bets. There is nothing better then being drunk at a house party and Eli Manning throwing a three yard out to put him over 277.5 yards, then telling everyone who is more sober than you about how you just hit your prop. For me I get a look of “Why is this fat degenerate screaming in my face, and why is he trying to high five me?” This is what I’m looking forward to drunkenly/aggressively high fiveing at people about today:
Most Receiving Yards: Victor Cruz 7/1 – The logic is this. a) Drew Brees shredded the 49ers secondary last weekend b) You can’t double both Hakeem Nicks and Vic Cruz, whoever is in single coverage Eli Manning will find c) Cruz has better odds.
Most Passing Yards: Joe Flacco +450 – When I describe Joe Flacco, the words suck and/or blow usually are involved. He sucks and blows and he’ll never win a Super Bowl. You’ve seen the Pats secondary, in fact if you’re a wide receiver who was just signed in the CFL, you might be starting in it. Pats win easy, but unibrow-Flacco hits a few deep bombs in garbage time.
Total Rushing Yards: Ray Rice – OVER 87.5 – Are you serious, Bro? Rice-a-Roni (wow that was gay) will be over 87’5 by halftime. The Pats let up yards, they just outscore the pants off of you.
Side Note: I love me some Rob Gronkowski. The dude puts up catches, yards and points, then tries to nail the sideline reporter interviewing him after the game. My kind of dude. I want to take his odds, but they suck. Sorry Gronk-nation.
Player to Score the First New England TD: Ochocinco 16/1 – Just because Belichick his a huge dick.
Update: Ochocinco has been ruled INACTIVE for today’s game
Most Rushing Yards – Patriots – Steven Ridley +400: Unless Danny Woodhead or Law Firm go apeshit, those are good odds.
Update: Ridley also inactive. I blame all that Dude Vodka I drank last night.
(There is a total rushing attempts prop? Who gives a shit how many times Brandon Jacobs gets handed the ball? If I ever see a dude celebrating winning this prop I’m spitting my drink in his face.)
Will Hakeem “The Dream” Nicks Score EVEN ODDS – You bet your sweet supple ass he will.
Total Receptions: Vernon Davis – OVER 4.5 – I’ve been a Giants fan since day one. They can’t cover tight ends. In fact I’m not sure they even count the tight end as eligible in practice.
First Touchdown of the Game: Hakeem Nicks 15/2 – Shout out to my blogmate, who talked me into taking this last weekend. I did and he was right, let. it. ride.
Time to go get hammered, enjoy the games, bitches.